#44-Trouble

5 Years

Space and time seemed to blend together from that moment on. Nothing felt as important to me as spending time with her, and I did just about anything to make that happen.  

I don’t really remember when I stopped counting the lies I would tell in order to see her, but somehow in my mind I felt justified. I knew in my heart lying was wrong, hell I felt the deceit in my bones… I was just willing to do it if it meant seeing her. 

After all, my family wouldn’t understand. They weren’t okay with a “relationship” like this. I’d heard my dad speak out against the gay community boldly in front of his peers. I’ve heard my parents mention countless times in the past about how wrong it was that we’ve allowed same sex couples to be legally married in Canada. I’d heard it all. I’d heard them repeat often that it was against “our” beliefs.

Years after year, little did they know I felt each word break a little more of my heart. Their words unknowingly wounding my soul.  I’d never asked to be like this…

I’m open to love.

Is there really something so terribly wrong with that?

I know the answer… at least their answer.

My heart would crack a little with each lie I told and mend the next instant I set eyes on my brown-eyed girl. It didn’t matter that we weren’t in a real relationship. I knew she loved me, as I loved her, knowing it, feeling it, was enough.

Her birthday was fast approaching, I so desperately wanted to get her something truly special… I just didn’t know what that was. I wanted her to know that I listened when she spoke, that I cared about the things she mentioned liking. Worse, she was adamant she didn’t want anything from me, other than us hanging out together for her birthday.

My phone let out the familiar chirp.

<Hey, my friend’s birthday is one day before mine and she’s having a party. Do you want to be my plus one? >

Cue the stupid grin spreading across my lips. Before I could reply another text came through.

<I know you don’t really like big crowds, or people…so I don’t want you feeling like you have to come, but I’d love you to be there. Maybe I can stay over at your place after? We can cuddle and watch tv?>

Holy crap… did I read that right? Ok, ok, calm down brain, type something smooth, cool, calm, collected…

<Yes!> Send.

Wow… that was real smooth genius.

<LOL yes to the party, or yes to the movie after?>

<Yes to the entire thing. I’d love to go to the party with you. Definitely a yes to having you all to myself afterwards.>

<ok, I’m really looking forward to it!>

So was I, more than I could manage to explain.

<Are you still not going to give me a hint at what you want for your birthday? Something? Anything?>

<You. I want you for my birthday. I’ll be 18 you know.>

Me… she wanted me. She definitely had a way of accelerating my heart rate. I knew she meant she wanted to spend time with me, but my brain always took it someplace else. Some place it shouldn’t.

<Yes, yes you will. Careful now, that means you’re legal! I’ll help keep all the older university guys off your back.>

Even typing that made my jealous side flare to life.

<I don’t need them, I have you. Only older person I want. So make my birthday present you.>

Shit, she had a way of making me blush. I’d barely reached up to run my fingers across the brim of my ball cap when she sent another text.

<I bet you’re really rubbing your hat after that, I love making you blush. Careful… almost legal and I know what makes you tick. 😉 >

Oh but she’s going to be trouble for my racing heart.